I have a few posts I want to write. Things like I feel I need to put out there if I am going to claim any sort of authenticity in this space. Some of you have found and followed along with me because I like to build my own furniture and organization. Others have connected because I am the acting captain of a homeschool ship with three boys on board. A few of you know me in real life and have been kind enough to stick with me as I grow into blogging. It’s with the varied ways people come to this blog in mind that I issue this warning: Some of you wont identify with or want to read the kinds of things I will be writing for a bit. I’ve been in the writing wilderness for a bit and this is what I need to do to find my way back. If you need to move on, I understand completely, and sincerely thank you for the time you’ve been here!
To those that are gracious enough to stay around, I invite you to follow along with a series of posts I’ve decided to call Becoming O.H. (Organizational Hysteria). I’m hoping that talking about some of the topics I’ve avoided here on my blog will allow me to connect with some others out there like me and hopefully inspire a new dedication and direction to this space. Thank you for being willing to come along with me!
I am a child of divorce.
My husband is as well.
Nate and I will turn 30 next summer and a great deal of our generation can identify as they come from similar situations. It’s difficult not to let the relationship status of your parents define you, especially when you have two kids from broken homes trying to raise a family of their own. I’ve spent a lot of time, more subconsciously than knowingly, blaming my mom and dad for the fracture very early in my family life. It’s undeniable that divorce is traumatic on all involved, but I have to think it’s the kids that suffer the hardest.
Most younger children, and this was certainly the case for me, never see it coming. The world was perfect from my perspective, the worst of my problems was not getting to spend the night at my friend’s house on a school night. I could not have even begun to imagine that my sister and I would be forced to start taking sides, separating from one another because of those sides, talking to lawyers, living life without one or the other of our parents, making statements in court, and dealing with circumstances and emotions far beyond our maturity level at the ages of 9 & 10. Nor could I have imagined the way it would affect me as I made my way through adolescence.
I’ve heard of “friendly” or cordial divorces. I’ve seen parents able to put the health and wholeness of their children above their own anger, selfishness, unhappiness and broken hearts. This wasn’t the case in my family. My parents have been divorced for decades and they’re still barely able to be in the same room together or utter a civil word about one another. It’s not particularly easy to develop true, healthy relationships with anyone when very contrary pictures are painted by the opposing parent or any number of outside influences. It’s even more difficult to figure out how to begin to bridge the relationships that have spent too many years deteriorating.
There is a point that a person has to stop blaming their set of circumstances for the poor choices in their own lives. When is that though? 10? 15? 18? 30?!? It didn’t really happen for me until the last few years, well into my 20s. It’s hard to understand how someone could not be damaged in some way when something traumatic touches your life. Of course there’s some cause and truth to the ‘whys’ of my struggles growing up….but everyone is handed something, and this is one of things I was asked to walk through in life.
What I’ve come to know with every fiber of my being is Jesus offers wholeness to the broken, refuge for the scared, grace to the sinner, and redemption for the found. The Lord can take a confused, self-destructing, angry, sad and lonely little girl and turn her into an imperfect but confident wife and mother, a committed follower of Christ, a devoted friend, and a woman who wants to serve using the talents with which she has been blessed.
My challenge for this season is this: How do you show a person (or people) that you are whole and loved enough that a desire for some semblance of a relationship means more to you than anything in the past? Is there a way to demonstrate love and forgiveness when the door to either seems tightly shut? Why, even after nearly three decades of life and growth and trial and progress do some people make you feel like teenage sins are all you’ll ever be made of? Why does the withheld approval of people who believe and act so very opposite you and your faith seem to be the stuff most desired?
To these questions, I have no answers, but I’m searching for them with fervor. The Bible tells us there is nothing new under the sun. In a world so saturated with all kinds of broken homes and families I realize my feelings and frustrations aren’t unique to my life. So I begin to pray through my wondering, to search the scriptures for comfort and calls to action, to pray through my broken relationships and trust that my big, loving, all-powerful God can grant the desires of my heart and work powerfully in the lives of those people I wish were a bigger part of my life.
The Lord has blessed me richly and I have seen the start of healing in some of my broken relationships as of late. That progress has made me hungry for that same process to begin working in other areas of my life. We will see. I imagine I’ll have to be patient and that things will come along to test my resolve but I will hold on to my faith and trust God’s desire for reconciliation in families!
Thank you for reading and stay tuned for Part II!